Have you ever gone on a blind date là gì năm 2024

When I go out on the weekends, I always hope I can meet someone spontaneously, but being legally blind means planning, research, and outsourcing — things most people don’t have to worry about. This kind of pre-game strategy steals some of the excitement of dating: chance meetings, vibes across a room, flirting with my eyes. I can’t just let fate take a hand. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t have a truly romantic life.

I had to develop my own dating strategy

Since I’ve experienced vision loss from my teen years, I’ve learned to put a lot of faith in other people. These days, I outsource the networking required to date in the Twenty-First Century. I pay my assistant to swipe on apps and message potential partners for me. I created this system not because I lack the time or don’t want to put in the effort myself, but because it’s the easiest way for a visually impaired person like me to use dating apps. The downside is I’ll never know if my assistant swiped “No,” on someone I would’ve said “Yes” to, and I could be missing out on Mr. Right.

I learned to be more intentional

I was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa when I was sixteen. It is a progressive eye disease that leads to blindness, impacting my depth perception and ability to see in poorly lit environments. So, when it comes to finding “the one,” I have a unique approach. When I was younger and my eyesight was better, I was more whimsical in my dating. I didn’t have convictions about my “dream guy,” I just focused on he made me feel. If I had realized back in my 20s that my condition would eventually lead to legal blindness, I might have been more intentional with my dates.

I learned to use my other senses

I am grateful that I found a method for dating that is hands-free and doesn’t require me to struggle to see. The superficial aspect of going out with someone based on looks is gone for me and instead, I use my other senses, such as touch. Touch is important. I am turned off by the scratchy feeling of a beard, but truly enjoy combing my fingers through a full head of hair. When my assistant is swiping, she keeps these things in mind and filters out people who might not be a good fit.

I learned to lean on those I trust

I want to feel the excitement that comes from “swiping right” and matching with a handsome man, but my visual impairment has me putting all my trust in the hands of my assistant. She has all my answers to questions like, “Where are you from?” “What are your hobbies?” and so on — the basics of an initial chat with someone. At this point, she can talk with guys without having to come back and forth to me. It’s a system that saves me a lot of time and allows me to still make connections, even if I can’t see who it’s with. When the messaging gets to a point where a man checks my initial boxes, then my assistant will suggest we connect on the phone. She’ll email me letting me know that Rob from Bumble has my number, and I get jitters like a teenager with a crush wondering if he’ll text or call me first.

I learned to focus on connection in relationships

Once I start talking on the phone with a guy, I gain a better connection with him because I get to hear the tone of his voice. Something about a deep voice really draws me in. Speaking on the phone also gives me an idea of who I can spar with and whether the conversation can flow naturally. Ideally, I want to feel like the other person is equally as interested in me as I am in them. Often, I am the one asking all the questions, and it feels like I’m just interviewing my potential date. When this happens, I know our time together would probably just revolve around him, and I move on. Other times, when I sense the connection is reciprocated, we usually plan a date.

I don’t share too much information

I don’t put in my dating profile that I’m visually impaired. It seems over-the-top for people to put personal medical info out in the dating cybersphere. It would be like someone including that they were a type 2 diabetic or that their family had a history of heart conditions in their bio. Plus, for safety reasons, you never know how someone might take advantage. So, even though the man I’m meeting for the first time doesn’t know about my visual impairment, I trust that if the phone vibes were positive, we would get along on a date because I’m still the same person.

I learned how to plan for a successful date

In preparation for my date, I’ll put on one of the outfits approved by my assistant as “cute,” not to mention free of yellow Labrador or Chihuahua dog hair. I’ll listen to music that pumps me up and makes me feel confident, sexy, and sassy. Then I take some time to plan how to get to the venue, and I try to leave room to arrive at least thirty minutes early so I can be prepared. I can’t drive myself, so I either walk or call for a rideshare. When I arrive, my first step is to talk to the hostess. I try to ask for seating in an area that is as well-lit as possible, and I even look for an opportunity where my date and I can sit side-by-side. This makes it easier for me to see and hear him.

People without a disability might never put this much thought into where they sit in a restaurant or bar, but I’m intentional with the seating situation to give myself the best opportunity to connect with my date. I’ll also mention to the server that I’m visually impaired and would appreciate it if when they’re setting down my drink, they would let me know where they place it so I’m not feeling around and knock anything over. Finally, the last step in my pre-date ritual is to ask my server to describe where I’m sitting; this helps when I text my date and let him know how to find me. At last, I feel comfortable in my surroundings and I’m ready for sparks to fly.

I use humor to make my date comfortable

I usually know right away that I need to mention my eye condition. I don’t just blurt it out, but I break the ice first by saying something like “Your voice sounds even better in person!” When I bring up my visual impairment, I’ll say something like, “Hey, if I’m fumbling with my drink at some point, that’s why.” He might ask me more about my condition, which opens the door for him to share something personal with me as well. I’ve learned that most guys don’t dwell on my disability, and it doesn’t change how they feel about me. I’m able to just be Nancy and let romance take its course. At the end of the night, I’ll ask to grab his arm as we walk out, and he is always more than happy to guide me downstairs or through crowds. He’ll stand and wait with me for my chariot ride home, and I’ll feel proud that I took a leap of faith and came on this date.

I learned that intentionality creates deeper bonds

The beauty of dating as a visually impaired person is that I have been able to form deeper connections. Back when I could see better, I would go out with my girlfriends to a bar and look around to see if anyone cute was there. I used to get butterflies when I would make eye contact with someone across the room and wonder if they’d come talk to me. Now that visual experience is gone, but it has been replaced by connecting with someone through my other senses. I have to trust that a guy won’t run away when I tell him about my eye condition. I have to be vulnerable in knowing that he will accept me for who I am. Being legally blind is part of my identity, and I have to live authentically in all aspects of life.

I’ve learned not to live in regret

I always tell myself that if love was easy, everyone would have it. I’m fully prepared for not meeting the right partner until my hair is gray and I’m in an assisted living home. Despite whatever challenges I face because of my eye condition, I still try to have a sense of humor and a positive outlook on it all. When I go on a date, before I even meet the person, I’m already financially invested. My assistant has received paychecks for the swiping she does, and I usually spend money for a lift. Then if the date doesn’t go well or I get stood up, it’s easy to regret all the time and effort I put in beforehand and be hesitant to try again. But I recognize that I must quiet this negative voice in my mind. When I get ready to put myself out there again, I say to myself, “This rideshare could be the best twenty dollars I’ve ever spent,” or “This thirty-minute walk could shake up my life,” especially if I’m heading into the arms of a great guy. No matter what, I would prefer to spend the money and time instead of always wondering “What if?”

I would rather go on the date with disastrous results than to live in the shadow of what might have been. The right partner is difficult to find, but maybe if we all went into it blindly, we would form those authentic bonds that scratch beneath the surface of good looks and flashy smiles and instead thrive on true chemistry.

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