People marry young, share good and bad times, have a family, begin to fight, and have sex less often as they age. Suddenly they feel alone when they are with their partner. What happened? Generally, if you recognize a problem in your relationship and are willing to take steps to change your bad habits, you can fix the marriage. However, it takes two to make a marriage work so if one spouse has his or her foot out the door, it can be difficult to fix a marriage.
1. Communication Issues
The most common complaint among married couples is lack of communication. Many couples put up with problems rather than try to fix them. In the beginning they agreed he would earn money and she would take care of the house and kids. When they face new challenges later on, they have to negotiate a new compact. The issue is whether spouses can listen to each other’s complaints without interrupting or getting defensive and reach anew consensus.
2. Ignoring Boundaries
It’s not uncommon for one spouse to try to change his or her partner. Whether it’s how he or she dresses or about fundamental beliefs, trying to change your spouse will feel like a personal invasion and may trigger defensiveness oranger. Overstepping boundaries can destroy mutual trust. The result is likely to be retaliation or withdrawal from the relationship.
3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy
There are lots of reasons couples lose interest in sex–ranging from medical problems to emotional issues. Generally, sexual problems trigger a vicious cycle where it’s difficult to want sex when you feel emotionally distant from your partner and it’s difficult to feel emotionally attached without experiencing sexual intimacy. To get past sexual indifference, couples need to discuss and resolve their emotional issues.
4. Emotional or Sexual Infidelity
A common problem in many marriages is for the couple to become emotionally distant. When this happens, it’s likely he or she may start looking around. Emotional infidelity can lead to adultery and cheating is destructive of a marriage. It’s important for every couples to discuss and agree on what constitutes infidelity.
5. Fighting About Money
Disagreements about money are inevitable in a marriage. One spouse may want to save while the other wants to spend. Disagreement about money usually reflect different core values. To avoid these problems, it’s important to discuss and agree how to handle finances.
6. Selfishness
If one spouse constantly places his or her needs above the goals and interests of the marriage, it’s only a matter of time before the neglected spouse begins to feel rejected and unloved. Getting married involves give and take rather than getting your own needs met all the time. If one spouse dictates the terms of the marriage and won’t compromise, that’s a recipe for disaster.
7. Value Differences
When a couple has core value differences, such as religious preferences, that can cause serious problems. They may have major disagreements about what religion to teach their children. Other differences include how to discipline, definitions of right and wrong, or other ethical conflicts. Everyone doesn’t grow up with the same values, morals, or goals and there is lots of room for debate about right and wrong. If a couple can’t learn to adjust to different values, they may have serious problems in their marriage.
8. Different Life Stages
Most couples don’t think about differences in life stages when they marry, but this can be a significant problem with couples are different ages. Personalities change and a couple may not remain compatible as they transition to different life stages. An older husband may not be interested in beginning a new family while the young bride is anxious to have a baby, or he may be nearing retirement and want to slow down while she needs to stay active.
9. Boredom
Doing the same old thing can get tiresome and it’s hard to make changes in a comfortable relationship until it’s too late. Doing something new from time to time can add spark and spice to a relationship.
10. Jealousy
Being jealous can turn a marriage sour, especially if the jealous feelings are unrealistic. Jealous persons can become overbearing and controlling or angry and rejecting. If you are feeling jealous, see a counselor to decide wither your feelings are reasonable. You may have an attachment problem that needs to be discussed with a competent counselor.
It does take two to make a marriage work. If the marriage cannot be fixed because one or both spouses no longer want to be married, call an experienced San Antonio Divorce Attorney.
The Law Office of Harry Munsinger has been helping clients in Bexar County to successfully divorce without draining the family estate and ruining relationships with children and other family members.
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Though marriage is often thought to be the “happily ever after” phase of relationships, don’t be fooled into believing that married couples don’t face their fair share of issues and challenges.
While some common marriage problems can easily be resolved, others may be tough to tackle — and could even signal the beginning of a marriage's end.
Marriage issues can stem from lots of places like differences in values, personality traits, and communication styles.
Signs of a failing marriage include one or both partners having low self-esteem, chronic anxiety, or depression, and a lack of intimacy, feelings being heard, and confidence in the relationship.
There are ten proven reasons why most marriages fail, and those include jumping into marriage for the wrong reasons, loss of individual identity, overbearing parental duties, not having the same vision of success anymore, a nonexistent sex life, unmet expectations, differences in finances, loss of physical attraction, different interests, and too many fights over problems.
Since the future of most marriages depends largely on how couples deal with issues as they arise, if you want to protect your own marriage from the possibility of a divorce, it’s helpful to have a heads up on the most common issues that come with the territory known as married life.
Read on to learn about these 12 common marriage problems — and how couples can overcome them before it's too late.
1. Overstepping boundaries.
Once couples are married, it’s not uncommon for one spouse to try and change their partner. Whether it’s their fashion sense or their fundamental beliefs, trying to change your spouse is a personal invasion, and when it happens, the victimized spouse will feel disrespected, hurt, or even angry.
Oftentimes, overstepping someone’s personal boundaries is done intentionally, with a mission in mind. This type of behavior stomps on the very idea of mutual respect, and the end result will likely be retaliation or withdrawal from the attacked spouse. In turn, it makes it hard for spouses to communicate, love, and be open with one another.
It’s also possible to unintentionally overstep personal boundaries, especially if this happens while genuinely trying to help your spouse.
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2. Lacking complete communication.
Though the words “talking” and “communicating” are often used interchangeably, it’s important to understand that the two differ greatly from one another.
Talking is about giving information without the need for a response, and it leaves plenty of room for complaining and criticism. Communication, however, is a verbal and nonverbal exchange of information that requires a response. Because it takes more than one person to communicate, it’s focused on a connection between people where it’s safe to openly share ideas and information free of judgment.
When spouses fail to practice proper communication, it’s easy for them to fall into a habitual way of ineffectively speaking to one another. What’s worse is that if poor communication skills are not dealt with, it’s possible for more serious problems to arise.
3. Letting things go in the bedroom.
While there are many reasons why couples lose interest in sexual intimacy or struggle with physical affection, it’s important for spouses to find ways to keep their sex life fresh and fulfilling.
Sex may seem like a small piece of the marriage puzzle, but it’s actually rare to have a healthy relationship without it.
Unfortunately, there’s a vicious cycle when it comes to sex: It’s hard to want to have it when you feel emotionally detached, but it’s hard to feel emotionally attached without physical intimacy.
4. Wandering focuses.
Another common issue couples face is a shift in focus after marriage. When either spouse redirects their attention from the relationship to other interests — be it a career, children, friends, or other social activities or hobbies — it’s common for their partner to feel the brunt of the situation, and for the relationship to suffer from a loss of attention.
In these types of situations, spouses may even begin to feel more like roommates than lovers, which is why it’s so important to find a balance between personal interests and being an attentive partner.
It’s perfectly acceptable (and even encouraged) for spouses to have their own separate interests and goals, so long as they manage their schedules to fit in quality time with one another.
A common mistake married people make when this happens is to overreact, because in doing so they’re more or less telling their spouse they cannot have a life without them.
5. Emotional infidelity.
As unfortunate as it may be, once couples get married, it’s not uncommon for them to become emotionally disconnected from one another. When this happens, it’s likely that at least one spouse’s needs will become unmet, and so they may start looking elsewhere to feel fulfilled.
This is where emotional "infidelity" has the opportunity to slip into the marriage.
Some people feel that emotional infidelity is worse than physical cheating because it’s about more than just sex; it’s about connecting with another person on an intimate level.
In order to prevent infidelity of any kind, couples must be clear on what they both consider cheating to be. Initially, partners may not have the same feelings towards what does and doesn’t count as cheating, but getting on the same page will lessen the chances of them allowing it to happen.
It’s also important that spouses remain supportive of one another’s emotional needs because when these are met, they won’t have as much interest in looking elsewhere.
6. Fighting about money.
When couples bond, it’s common for their bank accounts to follow suit. While this may not always be the case, even married couples that decide to keep their finances separate still face issues when it comes to money.
Discussing finances with your spouse can be stressful and tense, especially if the couple has different spending habits or ways of managing money. In these types of edgy situations, it’s common for the conversation to become less about money and more about personal values and habits.
For example, when one spouse is stressed about the money they may be less patient and more irritated in general and both put a strain on each other. They may even pick fights with their partner about unrelated things without realizing it.
RELATED: 7 Ways You And Your Partner Are Unfaithful To Each Other Every Day
7. Waning appreciation for one another.
When appreciation between married partners decreases, conflict tends to rise.
Since both men and women crave positive recognition, when spouses stop acknowledging one another’s efforts or fail to express gratitude for loving gestures, it’s likely their partner will stop doing those once appreciated actions. When this happens, couples tend to become bitter or agitated with one another.
When those once small, yet loving unexpected gestures become expected, they lose their magic and become a chore rather than a choice. Whether you’ve been with your spouse for 12 months or 12 years, it’s important to keep appreciating one another for the things you both do.
8. Technology interference.
In a world that’s largely run by technology, it can be tough not to get caught up with electronic gadgets. This is why more and more couples are reporting that their spouse’s obsession with technology is interfering with their marriages.
Let’s say, for example, a wife becomes so wrapped up with her smartphone that she’s texting her pals at the dinner table instead of engaging in conversation with her husband. Or, perhaps a husband is so fixed on his tablet that all he wants to do after dinner is play games on it and browse Facebook.
These situations can replace healthy communication and even intimacy. It may sound bizarre, but they’re real-life issues.
9. Selfishness.
If one spouse acts selfishly and consistently places their own needs and desires ahead of their spouse’s, then it’ll only be a matter of time until the neglected spouse feels unworthy and unloved.
When couples get married, they’re promising to love one another for better or worse, and part of that promise means not acting selfishly. While this may sound easy enough, the green-eyed monster comes in many sneaky shapes and forms.
At its worse, selfishness is controlling, manipulative, jealous, possessive, and abusive. In milder forms, it can be seen in a lack of consideration and respect.
10. Lack of trust.
Trust is the very basis of love, and without it a healthy marriage cannot exist. When a spouse cheats, lies, or breaks a promise, it can really hurt the relationship.
Restoring trust in a marriage where someone has been betrayed is no easy task. If you want to fix your marital problems then both spouses must be committed to fixing the relationship in order to have any success in moving past the issue.
If the issues are not dealt with, the betrayed spouse will continue to feel hurt, anger, and suspicious.
11. Uncontrolled anger.
While it’s normal for married couples to get angry with each other from time to time, it’s important that both spouses act appropriately when these types of situations arise.
Instead of reacting explosively with outbursts or fits of rage, couples need to address the issue at hand (stay on topic), keep calm, and consider one another’s feelings. It’s also important that couples listen, openly express their opinions, and avoid defensive behaviors.
12. Changing ambitions.
Most of the time, when couples decide to get married they’re on the same path and have discussed their wants for the future. That said, a common issue between spouses is when one or both partners change their minds and come up with new plans or ambitions as time passes.
Take, for example, a couple who has agreed to get married, buy a house, and start their family. If after the honeymoon either partner decides that they would rather travel for a year, go back to school, or aren’t ready for kids, then the couple could have some major issues on their hands.
While there’s no reason to harass your spouse or worry that they will change their mind down the road, it’s important to keep communication lines open to avoid shocking surprises of this kind.
RELATED: The 25 Best Pieces Of Marriage Advice Happy Couples Follow
Brad Browning is a relationship coach and breakup expert from Vancouver, Canada, who works with couples to repair and improve their relationships. Visit his website to learn more about how you can revive the spark you and your spouse shared when you first met.